This whole week has been productive for me.
Although I went out often, I usually spend my time eating and studying X3
One thing that I have learn from this week is to get rid of my ego-ness and being judgeful.
When I was with my ex best friend, I love to judge people so much, like every single one person that walks pass me doing their favorite thing, I would judge them by their appearance, actions and also their outfit.
I reflected on myself that it was stupid, following in the footsteps of my ex best friend and judge everyone.
It's like who am I to judge someone, who am I to think that I am so perfect and most of all who am I to change the way they are?
Honestly after hanging out so much with Rahayu, I realized that it is not about judging people, it's about making them be proud of who they are.
From her, I learn to be happy about myself and my body especially, I never was once told to felt this way by my ex best friend. It's pathetically amazing how someone can be so different and how someone can be that supportive of you even though you aren't their kin.
If I can be myself and I can do what I want and be what I want to be with someone, I would cherish that person regardless of their sex, like I really would, although someone cannot be kept by your side forever, I would still cherish that person at the bottom of my heart.
That is all for today's lazy and unproductive Sunday post.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
It's hard
I don't know how to handle my own life anymore.
Even as a student, I really have no idea how to continue my studies.
I lost my vision of my goal that was once so important to me.
This is really bad I know but who can I seek help from when my father is working so fucking hard just to support the family and my siblings are way too young to help me solve my problems?
I really need someone to help me, direct me to a better life and be a better person.
I'm sick and tired of ignoring people, I don't mind being alone but I want to be able to still talk with friends whom I'm not close with anymore.
It's going to be hard but I'm willing to try, I'm really willing to try when they give me a chance to.
Also, I'm tired of pretending to be happy and smiling in front of everyone during the day and feel depressed when I'm back at home.
This is really not working out for me, this is not the life I want for my teenage years.
I want to happy as in real happy.
I even laughed so hard till I cried, it's annoying when the kind of feeling comes.
It's like you don't want to cry and you're forcing the tears in and when you laugh, they just flow out.
I really cannot manage with the demands from society, I'm really really exhausted living as a citizen in Singapore.
I really hope things will get better for me, I'm really stressed out, lost and depressed.
Even as a student, I really have no idea how to continue my studies.
I lost my vision of my goal that was once so important to me.
This is really bad I know but who can I seek help from when my father is working so fucking hard just to support the family and my siblings are way too young to help me solve my problems?
I really need someone to help me, direct me to a better life and be a better person.
I'm sick and tired of ignoring people, I don't mind being alone but I want to be able to still talk with friends whom I'm not close with anymore.
It's going to be hard but I'm willing to try, I'm really willing to try when they give me a chance to.
Also, I'm tired of pretending to be happy and smiling in front of everyone during the day and feel depressed when I'm back at home.
This is really not working out for me, this is not the life I want for my teenage years.
I want to happy as in real happy.
I even laughed so hard till I cried, it's annoying when the kind of feeling comes.
It's like you don't want to cry and you're forcing the tears in and when you laugh, they just flow out.
I really cannot manage with the demands from society, I'm really really exhausted living as a citizen in Singapore.
I really hope things will get better for me, I'm really stressed out, lost and depressed.
Monday, February 18, 2013
tired
Started off as a bad morning ended off as a good afternoon.
Was totally not in the mood for school, my eyes were literally sealed close unless I force them open.
What's worse is that the first lesson was English and I had to drag my eyes through the whole hour.
To keep myself awake, as usual I annoy people.
The only person closest to me to annoy was Marielle, guess what.
She's the best, she not only don't find me annoying, she even laughed and joked with me.
I couldn't love her more as a friend.
Personally, I think that I was a "loner" in school today.
Surprisingly it felt good, excluding recess time with friends.
I always think this to myself " maybe I was meant to be alone in this world"
Guess that I have found the right answer. Since the start of Secondary 3 life, I have been losing my close friends and best friends and now, I don't find the need to find them back. I've tried my best to hang out with them again, in fact, I was the one who approached them but all they did was give me the cold shoulder.
Being the one who always making the first move is hard and tiring and I'm sick and tired of facing people already. To think of it, why must I face rejection by them and pretend it's alright when I want to cry badly?
It's a waste of my time, I don't have to do that. Then why did I try to pull my friendship with them back? Because I cherish the friendship I once had, the one that I once could be myself around them being foolish and I never want to let go of that friendship.
To think naively that they would still be friends with me? Hahahah that's the worst joke of my life.
Back to the point, I'm a loner as I can't cherish friends.
At least the cold weather made me feel better, the weird thing is I love cold weathers. They make me feel better. After a cry during this weather would be great.
Just joking, my father was the one who cheered me up today. (I'm not joking about the "I love cold weather" part though)
I can never thank my father enough, sacrificing and committing so much just to raise me up.
that's all I guess and I hope so, keh bye.
Was totally not in the mood for school, my eyes were literally sealed close unless I force them open.
What's worse is that the first lesson was English and I had to drag my eyes through the whole hour.
To keep myself awake, as usual I annoy people.
The only person closest to me to annoy was Marielle, guess what.
She's the best, she not only don't find me annoying, she even laughed and joked with me.
I couldn't love her more as a friend.
Personally, I think that I was a "loner" in school today.
Surprisingly it felt good, excluding recess time with friends.
I always think this to myself " maybe I was meant to be alone in this world"
Guess that I have found the right answer. Since the start of Secondary 3 life, I have been losing my close friends and best friends and now, I don't find the need to find them back. I've tried my best to hang out with them again, in fact, I was the one who approached them but all they did was give me the cold shoulder.
Being the one who always making the first move is hard and tiring and I'm sick and tired of facing people already. To think of it, why must I face rejection by them and pretend it's alright when I want to cry badly?
It's a waste of my time, I don't have to do that. Then why did I try to pull my friendship with them back? Because I cherish the friendship I once had, the one that I once could be myself around them being foolish and I never want to let go of that friendship.
To think naively that they would still be friends with me? Hahahah that's the worst joke of my life.
Back to the point, I'm a loner as I can't cherish friends.
At least the cold weather made me feel better, the weird thing is I love cold weathers. They make me feel better. After a cry during this weather would be great.
Just joking, my father was the one who cheered me up today. (I'm not joking about the "I love cold weather" part though)
I can never thank my father enough, sacrificing and committing so much just to raise me up.
that's all I guess and I hope so, keh bye.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
misses
I never knew that missing someone could be this bad.
I never knew that missing someone could make me cry this badly.
I never knew that missing someone could be this hurtful.
I miss my mum, little brother, grandma and grandpa over at Indonesia, I literally miss them to the extend in which I want to migrate to Indonesia and just live there. I honestly don't mind studying in an Overseas School in Indonesia.
I just hate life here, every single shit day I have to face people that hate me every day, I have to face people judgements when I'm taking public transport or when I do my own stuff alone, I just really hate the stressful city life.
Call me a whiny bitch or fat annoying girl, whatever seriously, I'm really had enough of the society cycle in Singapore.
Every single day, it's either study or work, there is very little time for me to just relax, every single day I have to worry about my homework and examinations. Like seriously, this is too much. I know that grades and studies are important for my life, but when the grades that come in are terrible, it just makes me give up on studies.
Every single time I tell myself to not give up and keep striving harder to get better results, well guess what, I'm hurting myself more deeply. Be it friendship, relationship with family or education. I had enough of everything here.
Life over there is so much peaceful although the amount of income my dad is going to earn is going to be less than half of what he can earn in Singapore. No one judges you, no one criticizes you, everyone just talk freely and happily as if they knew each other years ago.
I'll just stop here, I'm tired and stressed out already.
I never knew that missing someone could make me cry this badly.
I never knew that missing someone could be this hurtful.
I miss my mum, little brother, grandma and grandpa over at Indonesia, I literally miss them to the extend in which I want to migrate to Indonesia and just live there. I honestly don't mind studying in an Overseas School in Indonesia.
I just hate life here, every single shit day I have to face people that hate me every day, I have to face people judgements when I'm taking public transport or when I do my own stuff alone, I just really hate the stressful city life.
Call me a whiny bitch or fat annoying girl, whatever seriously, I'm really had enough of the society cycle in Singapore.
Every single day, it's either study or work, there is very little time for me to just relax, every single day I have to worry about my homework and examinations. Like seriously, this is too much. I know that grades and studies are important for my life, but when the grades that come in are terrible, it just makes me give up on studies.
Every single time I tell myself to not give up and keep striving harder to get better results, well guess what, I'm hurting myself more deeply. Be it friendship, relationship with family or education. I had enough of everything here.
Life over there is so much peaceful although the amount of income my dad is going to earn is going to be less than half of what he can earn in Singapore. No one judges you, no one criticizes you, everyone just talk freely and happily as if they knew each other years ago.
I'll just stop here, I'm tired and stressed out already.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
excitement
Going to see this chubby, cute and handsome baby brother of mine this coming Saturday.
I'm so glad that I'm finally going in Batam again, sick of Singapore's city life and the stress here.
well, that's all for tonight.
goodnight <3
Friday, February 1, 2013
Judged
So please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
Cause it could get ugly
Before it gets beautiful
Please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
And if you love me
Then let it be beautiful
And I won't judge you
Cause it could get ugly
Before it gets beautiful
Please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
And if you love me
Then let it be beautiful
Sunday, January 27, 2013
update
Thursday was the shittiest moment of my life as I ended the 4 years friendship I had with my best friend.
Yesterday I went to East Coast Park to penny board and study, it was lovely cause the weather was super good and there were some really good looking guys to look at... er ... lol
Friday was the best day ever... why?
- I decided to have a fresh start.
- My baby brother Teo Shava Regan was born.
yup, this is my mother and my baby brother
Yesterday I went to East Coast Park to penny board and study, it was lovely cause the weather was super good and there were some really good looking guys to look at... er ... lol
(You might think I'm horny but I'm not, p.s. please pity me as I'm a lady whose 16 years single. )
Well today, I went to Tampines to study and also did some super mini shopping. Before that, I was messing around with red lipstick and ya it went well X3 Also, I drop by Rahayu's house to check on her cause she is really weak and down lately :'(
Well, that is all on what I'm going to update about, I'm really sorry for not blogging lately my lovely blog, just have been caught up with school, oh speaking of school, school ends at 4:15 pm from Monday to Thursday. Yes, I get what you are thinking right now, IT SUCKS . Well what to do? I am taking O Levels this year. I really hope that I can pass my O Levels with flying colors X3 #prayhard XP
Alright bye, have a nice day ^_^
Thursday, January 17, 2013
TIRED
I'm just extremely tired lately.
Have been staying up late just to complete assignments cause I've been busy in the afternoon sleeping or just relaxing myself from one whole day of studies.
I need a more well-planned time management.
Everyday is non-stop study and revision.
I hate this a lot, to be honest, I'm not the really study kind.
Just forget it, I'll just strive my best for it.
Alright good bye
Sunday, January 13, 2013
5 January 2013
Went to Singapore Zoo with my best friend Rahayu on 5 Jan 2013 as both of us wanted to check out the pandas and red pandas.
To visit the panda, we have to arrange for a timing, not really book the timing, just squeeze in one time slot for a 15 minutes viewing of the panda exhibit.
This is Kai Kai the male giant panda, his the one that I love a lot, he has a cute onion tuff on his head. ♡
stop by the Panda Cafe for lunch/ maybe our breakfast kekekek ^_^
just some typical teenage girls cam-whoring sessions.
my second favorite: Red Pandas ♡
my outfit of the day ♡
bestfriend's outfit of the day ♡
the cutest ballerinas ♡
the father of the cutest ballerinas ♡
overall, my day at the Singapore Zoo with Rahayu went well ♡
worst week ever
this is by far the worst week ever of year 2013 for me, everything just doesn't seem right at all. everything just went the extremely wrong way. I have never ever experienced a week that bad like this week's.
I just feel like I'm at the shittiest point of my life ever, thank god there was Rahayu, one of my best friend to be there at the worst point of my life.
well, that's all for my worst week post, shall blog about my trip to zoo with Rahayu later. bye.
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